Immortal
by artzonshowgurl
Summary: Set after 'Hero' SPOILER if you haven't seen it. Cassie feels dead inside and her emotions are playing havoc with her ability to control herself. what will she do?
1. Chapter 1

**Spoiler if you haven't seen 'Hero' part 1 and 2 of Stargate. I really hope you like this, I cry as I wrote, because this is close to my heart, not just because I love Stargate, but because I love my granddad, so this is dedicated to him. RIP.**

**(I have used some Evanescence lyrics, and I do not own them… they are genius.)**

_Immortal_

_Cassie POV_

It's such a cold day, but it's beautiful. I wish mum could see it. Jack and I walk past all the graves of fallen Air Force personal, and finally come to one that says 'Captain Doctor Janet Fraiser'. I can feel tears pricking my eyes as we stop. "Jack, please can you…" I start to ask my friend and Commanding Officer, "Anything Cas" he replied, "Could you… let me have a minute, please?" He looked saddened, but I knew he would leave me. I also knew he wished so bad to stay with me. "Sure, I'll just be over there okay kiddo?" I nodded as he walked away. This was as alone as I could get.

"Mum, I need you, I… I don't understand why you had to leave me!" I start to cry at her grave, and fall to the ground beside it. "I'm so tired of being here, these wounds won't heal, and this pain just won't leave. Time cannot erase what I feel." At this point, I couldn't see anything through my tears. "Mum, when I'd cry, you would wipe away my tears, when I'd scream; you would always be there to hold me. Mum, I'm bound by the life you left behind! I cannot let you go, you haunt my dreams, but you are never actually with me. I try so hard to carry on, to tell myself that you haven't left me, but I can't feel you, I am forgetting. The pain, it's too much to bear. You were always with me, but have I been alone, the whole time, All along?"

I felt a hand on my shoulder, but I cannot hold it in anymore, I fell on the grass, in agony I cried out. I was mad, and sad. I was dying on the inside, and no longer could I put on a veneer of happiness, of being okay with my mother being dead. Again.

"Cassie, sweet heart" I heard Jack say through my cries. He picked me up off the grass and held me. He just held me, and I felt his hand stroke the back of my head. He did that so well, I felt so comforted in my anguish, that it just made me cry harder into his chest. My hands were fists holding tight to the sides of his jacket. "It's okay, I've got you." He softly told me, and carried me to his black car, and kissed me on the head.

…

My eyes sting so bad from my melt down at the Cemetery, and it had drained me so much that I needed to sleep. I knew that I would be on the Base for a while, as Sam would work late again tonight, like she always did. I went to find Daniel, I knew he would comfort me, maybe let me sleep in his on Base quarters.

I found him in his lab, well it was more like a library and fossil cabinet than a lab, but it was homey. I knocked, and smiled weakly as I walked in, past the books, past all the paper he had sprawled out on the desk and he stood up, and we hugged. I held him so tight, and he bent his head down to rest on my shoulder, which knocked his glasses and they were slightly skew now and digging into my skin, but I didn't care and neither did he. When we parted, he looked me in the eye, and smiled. "hey," I told him hey back, and looking at the ground, I asked him permission to sleep in his quarters. "Sure thing, I'll take you." As we walked, he said nothing, I said nothing. Daniel knew that I wanted silence, he was smart enough to realise that all I wanted was to know he was there for me, and that I didn't want empty promises of 'it will all be okay soon.' He knew as well as I did, that that was a load of crap. Finally coming to his quarters, he opened the door for me, then followed in. "Daniel, I don't feel too good." I told him, I was sure it was just how tired I was, but thought he better know. "I… Feel quite dizzy." Walking to the bed I stumbled a bit, and Daniel's hand caught the under of my arm, and a strategically placed hand supported my waist. "I just need to sit, really Daniel." But it was too late, "I'm calling Dr Park." I groaned, but the next thing I know, I see the ceiling, and Daniel is laying me down on the floor gently. I faintly hear him say my name, but everything is becoming dark.

…..

Beep… beep… beep… "What in the…"I open my eyes groggily, and see Sam, Daniel, Teal'c and Jack sitting around me. "Good morning sunshine!" Exclaimed Jack, as he always did when one of us ends up in the infirmary. "Go get the doctor." Teal'c calls to one of the airman standing in the doorway to the main corridor out of the infirmary. I have never understood why they stand there, I mean, it's not like a sick or injured person is going to try and escape. Beep… beep… beep… "Would someone turn that incessant beep OFF!" I say rather to loud. "Sorry, you seem to be hyper sensitive Cassandra." Dr Parks told me as she turned off the monitor. "So, other than hypersensitivity how are you feeling?" I tell her I feel fine, but Colonel O'Neill has other ideas and says "It's more like grouchy teen-ness." But he backs off from that idea as he is shot five deathly 'shut-up' looks.

"So, I'm fine, I need to leave." I say un-attaching all the wires and what have you that I was hooked up to. "Cassie, you're not fine, just lie down, just until we get your blood work back." Parks pleaded. Mum used to say that. That is the last straw! I can't take being in here! I must leave. "Cassandra" Sam warned as I was preparing to get up again. But I didn't care. "I'm leaving; you can't do anything to stop me!" I was yelling at this point, every eye was on me. Pleading with me, warning to me lay down. I started to run, but didn't get very far with Teal'c in the way. He grabbed me around the waist, and I began to struggle, kicking and hitting every which way. I needed to get free. "Teal'c. Let me GO!" I screamed to him, "I cannot do that Cassandra Fraiser." I wasn't giving up either, so I did what I knew would work the best. I bit him, hard. "mmf" I heard him say, and his grip loosened, but in all the struggle I didn't see Jack and Daniel at the door, and ran straight into a trap. Daniel had me, and the doctor flanked me, got me in the shoulder with a sedative. "Cas, I've got you."

**WOW, that was intense! HAHA so, please review, tell me what you think! I really enjoyed myself this time! I hope I didn't ramble on for too long. I have a tendency to do that… okayyyy… until next time! xoxo **


	2. Chapter 2

**Ready? And GO!**

_Cassie POV_

"Cassie baby, open your eyes." I was faintly conscious of someone beside me, caressing me to wake. "Come on, you can do it, open your eyes." I must be losing it, that voice, it almost sounds like… mom.

I open my eyes slowly, squinting against the bright lights of the infirmary, looking over towards the voice; I see a silhouette becoming clearer as my eyes adjust. It's… no, it… it can't be… "Mom?" I must be dreaming. I must be. "Hi baby, I was getting worried." She walked towards my bed and sits on the edge, clasping my hand she looks me in the eye and smiles. My mother, my _dead _mother is holding my hand. "Cassie, what's wrong?" "I… Mom?" I tug her hand and she falls gently onto me and embraces me in a warm hug. Her hair brushes my face and I smell the familiar lavender shampoo she used to use religiously. Pulling back now, mom stands up and squeezes my hand before going to the red phone on the wall. I wonder who on earth she would call if she's… hold on, if she is dead, does that mean? "Mom, am I… am I dead?" She places the phone back on its holder and looks at me before answering in a sarcastic tone that she used so well with Colonel O'Neill, "Well I sure hope not, that is one heck of a lot of paper work!" I replied, more frantic now "I don't understand though, you are, you are supposed to be…" Before I could finish SG1 walks into the infirmary, Daniel interrupts "Hey Cassie, you're awake! Janet was getting worried about you." If SG1 are here… "Cassandra Fraiser!" Teal'c interrupted my thoughts "are you alright?" 'To be honest I am most certainly not. My dead mother is alive, I'm not dead, you are here and I am confused.' Was what I wanted to say, but decided against it, going with; "fine."

…..

"Colonel, Can I talk to you?" I pulled out the chair in front of the Colonel and sat. He gestured to see if I wanted some of his pie, but I shook my head. "What's up kiddo?" He asked not looking up from the manila folder he had open on the table. "Well, I wanted to ask you something, about how I ended up in the infirmary." Placing the folder down, he looked at me quizzically. "You don't remember? Should probably go see your Mom about that one, kid." He could be such an ass sometimes. "Jack, would you just humour me." Sending me a look of mock hurt, he agreed; "Fine, what you want to know." He took a bite of his pie and sighed. "Tell me why I was in the infirmary." My plan was to compare my version of events to his. He sighed a heavy sigh and took a long drink of his water and started his story. "You were on base because Janet was working late and she didn't want you to be home alone. SG1 was going on a mission but when we got back to earth Sam and Daniel promised to hang out with you. And…" "Skip ahead a bit please." I interrupted; I really didn't need to know about the mission. Jack shot me a deadly look, but carried on. "Let me see… Oh, when we got home General Hammond wanted to debrief straight away instead of waiting till later so we did that and then showered." I think my face said 'spin on Jack' because he cleared his throat and got on with the story. "After we all changed into our blue BDU's we were starved, so we went looking for you, but being the little minx that you are, we couldn't find you. So we all split up and searched the Base. Sam and Daniel went one way, Teal'c and I another. We even had a med team on standby, lucky we did." He picked up his water, and finished it off. "Sam and Daniel found you out cold on the floor of Sam's lab. You've been unconscious since then. Well," he gestured toward me; "till now anyway." I shifted in my seat, trying to process what he had told me. He had included Mom, so she wasn't dead according to him. "How long" I asked, "how long what?" was Jacks reply. Gosh! He can be so slow sometimes. "How long was I out Jack?" I demanded to my friend. "Four weeks." FOUR WEEKS? "What? A month!" he nodded. My mind was racing. It had been almost four weeks since mom died. Had I dreamt it all? Could I really have? This all seemed real. I hope it is, I hope so badly.

….

Mom was sitting at her desk looking down into a microscope, her brown locks pushed behind her ears, and resting softly at her shoulders. She was so beautiful, so radiant. I could see her mind working, she was undoubtedly marvelling at whatever it was that was in the slide under the microscope. I stood in the doorway silently looking at her, watching her work. I was going to say something. But at that moment, I realise just how much it hurts me to see her. A feeling of rage and pure sadness engulfs me, and I turn on my heel and run out of the room, smacking into the hard concrete door frame with my shoulder. Mom's head whips around, and as I regain my balance she stands up and calls after me. But I don't hear her really; I'm already at the elevator.

…..

I had a friend back on my home planet, her name was Cristiana and we did everything together. She was killed along with everyone else in my village, by Nirrti. Now, I write to her every day in a little purple journal that Daniel gave me when we first met. He had explained to me that sometimes when a person feels that they can't verbally communicate how they are feeling, they write in a diary, or journal. He told me, that I could start with 'dear diary', but this completely confused me, and still does. I mean, why would you talk to a book? So he asked if I had a special friend, so I told him about Cristiana and we agreed that I could write to her whenever I felt the need.

I feel the need.

_My dear friend Cristiana,_

_As I told you before, my mother died in the line of duty a month ago._

_I wake up in the infirmary only to find my mother. _

_I am not sure what is happening, but she is alive._

_This hurts me so much; you must understand Cristiana, I am truly happy to see her,_

_but I had just started to heal, and now in seeing her tears me up inside. The thought of losing her again… This, all of this could be a dream; I could wake up and… and not have her._

_This is all too much for me. This is too much for any person to handle._

_I must go now, someone is at the door. I am currently in the bathroom writing you as I had no way of getting off the Base._

_Dearest Cristiana, what am I to do?_

_Love always,_

_Cassandra._

**Again, it is a short chapter, but I must leave it here for now! You will understand… I hope I didn't confuse you much with this random twist… alrighty! Any feedback is more than welcome. I am not too sure if I am happy with this chapt, so please tell me what you think and please review. xoxoxo :D**


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